It's been pretty much a crappy Thanksgiving weekend so far. I hate to be pessimistic and negative, but I have to be honest. Alot of times I don't write here on LJ because I figure if all I have to say is negative then why bother people with it. But right now it's the truth, so screw it.

I had bronchitis but still managed to do Thanksgiving. I was a force of nature, I was strong. As soon as the bronchitis came under control, a bad tooth on the bottom side of my mouth started up and I now have a golf ball sized swelling on the outside of my cheek. I was sitting here crying my eyes out this morning so Deni called my dentist, and they called in a prescription of Cipro to my pharmacy. My parents went to get it and I start taking it today. I've been drugged to the gills and spent most of the weekend asleep. I would rather have bronchitis 5 times over than have this tooth pain and swelling.

For the first time in a long time I actually have a full email box of work to do, and I'm too sick to do it. I would really hate to have to ask my boss to give it away because I so desperately need the money, but if this tooth doesn't stop, I don't know how the hell I'm gonna concentrate to get my work done.

The only bright spot of my day is right now the Gators are kicking the shit out of the Seminoles.

Once again it's been ages since I've posted here. I haven't abandoned LJ, I've just been hanging over at Facebook more than any other place. But FB does have it's drawbacks, mainly being that almost everyone in my family can read what I post there, so I have to mind my manners. But I know all the people here on LJ and I don't have any family other than Deni that even knows about this journal. I know I can speak my mind here without having to worry that I'll insult someone. Over on FB a good portion of my friends are from high school and are Christians. I made the mistake of saying something regarding the origins of the word "Amen" today and I guess it was like poking a stick in a nest of snakes. I was accused of "Christian bashing" and it really irked me. Even when Jodi pointed out that it was MY FB and I could say what I wanted, one of the people said "Yeah well it shows up on everyone's page". No, it only shows up on the pages of those who have friended me. If you don't like what I say, please avail yourself of the right to delete me as a friend. Obviously if you're that touchy about a simple comment, then I must have touched a nerve. Maybe you should look inside yourself and see why you jumped back at me. Maybe it's not me, it's you.

Sigh.

Sometimes I feel like a member of a secret society that must keep quiet or else be persecuted like the witches of Salem. What is my crime?? Well, I use my mind. I refuse to simply believe a work of fiction just because it's been passed down for 2000 years. I don't know if Jesus ever existed, but something tells me if he did, he wasn't anything like what the Christians make him out to be. I don't even know if there's a god. Just saying THAT really pisses people off and makes them swallow thier tongues in apoplexy. I like to read and watch and listen and then make a decision based on what my intellect tells me, not based on what someone else says.

Ugh. I really dislike close-minded people.

Yeah ok, it's been a while. The whole tooth thing took a whole month before I was able to eat on that side of my mouth again. The gums are still sensitive where the tooth used to be, and now the teeth on the other side of my mouth are starting to act up. What's new. If there is a divine creator, I think he/she really messed up on the whole tooth thing. They just don't work. They have no staying power and they're way too painful.

So what's been up in the past month? Work has picked up a little, thank goodness. I was starting to get behind on my bills again and I HATE that. Can you believe it's almost been a year since I started working? And I still sit here and wonder how I got so lucky. I really do love my job. I can sleep until late afternoon, work when I want, and my boss is totally cool with it. I still owe you, Erin.

Last week my neice Brandi came to stay with my parents for a week, since she's on vacation from college. My sister apparently wanted Brandi out of her hair for a while. She lasted exactly 5 days at Mom's before Mom called Shari and said "We're bringing her back early". My parents couldn't take it, they're just getting too old. Brandi is the neice with aspergers syndrome (autistic). She's 21, but she acts like 10. In many ways she's really confusing to me. She goes to college and she gets good grades, but at the same time she can't drive a car, she's delusional (always says she's related to royalty, she's NOT), and she'll never be able to live alone. She can't even cross the street alone because it "upsets" her. We're starting to think she won't be able to hold a job either. I feel so bad because she gets shuffled around in our family and no one really wants her with them for a long time. She has personality quirks that just drive you nuts. Like she'll just stand over you while you're at the computer and make comments about what you're doing, then just continue to stand there and watch you. She argues with you about everything. You can't talk realistically with her because she's not grounded in reality. She'll say things like she's gonna be a famous actress and live in LA, and if you question her on how she plans to do that, she'll just insist it will happen. She talks and talks and talks and my parents are just too old to put up with her. When they told her they were bringing her back a few days early she started to cry and locked herself in the bedroom, then refused to talk to them for the rest of the day. I just feel so bad for her, and I worry what her future will hold. Apparently when she got home today, my sister Shari told her that she wouldn't be going back to college because there's no reason for her to, she'll never hold a job, and they don't have the money to pay for it anyways. Brandi got on the phone to my parents crying about it. That just breaks my heart. But at the same time I don't want her living here with me and Deni. I have enough to take care of. Is that terrible of me?? What's gonna happen to her when my sister gets older?? Apparently Florida doesn't consider Asperger's to be a handicap so she can't get disability. What she really needs is to live in some kind of assisted living place where there are other people like her, but my sister says she can't find anything like that. ::sigh::

Saturday is Deni's birthday and I got her an iPod touch. She loves it, she's even named it "Beloved". I'm glad I can make her happy with stuff, she deserves to be spoiled. Saturday we are having a small little get together for Deni and Andrew's birthdays. Andrew's is on the 21st and he'll be *5*. I can't believe he's growing up so fast. He's all boy, that one. All puppy dogs, video games, skinned knees, skateboards... he's so cute.

The people that were living next door to us, between my parents and my house moved out, and Heather, Chris, and the boy have moved in there. So now we're on all 3 lots... muuhahahaha. Soon we will own the whole street!! (err... dirt road...lol). The boy has discovered he can come over here anytime and he'll run over just to tell us this or that, then run back out again. He's getting so independent.

Project Runway starts next month and I'm so excited. I can stop my sneaking around cheating with the Fashion Show. It's a cheap knock off of Project Runway, but I've been going without, so to speak, so I have to get it somewhere! I hate how Kelly Rowland just sucks up to everything Mizrahi says, and I used to like Mizrahi, but I don't after seeing him on this show. Just something about his personality grates on my nerves.

Well this entry has been all over the place but hey, at least it's an entry.

Ta for now.

So what's been going on with me? Since you most of you follow me on Twitter and Facebook, you already know, but for those of you that don't, I had a tooth pulled last Thursday. I was so brave... I walked in there, no tears, and said "Bring it on!". One simple tooth extaction. Oh they brought it, all right. I was fine until they had to scrape my jawbone and they manhandled my mouth. Even then I was fine... until about 24 hours later when the numbness wore off and the swelling hit, along with the pain. I've never had a simple tooth being pulled hurt so much AFTER the fact. It put me out of commission at work for 2 days, and the percocet they gave me for pain made last weekend nothing but a blur.

Unfortunately, the pain pills are gone now, and I'm dealing with the soreness with ibuprofen, antibiotics, heat, and the occassional vicodan that I can beg off my sister. I still feel like someone's hit my face with a baseball bat. Now I'm getting sores on my tongue on the opposite side of my mouth because of a broken tooth over there. My mouth is just one big OUCH right now. I'm miserable, what's new.

That's the only thing going on with me. Aren't you glad you're you?

Video of my boys taken just a bit ago because they were so cute, I couldn't resist. You actually get to hear me talk in this vid, too, even though I sound like I'm 15 or something! LOL

Deni took video of the Biddle baby the other day and I am posting it here for you all to see the adorableness that is my kitty!!!!

Deni and I both have our consultation with the oral surgeon next Monday. In the meantime, I was told by the dentist office last week that I should be out of pain once the antibiotics kick in. Well, consider them NOT kicked in, and yes I'm still in pain, only now I'm finished with the pain pills and almost finished with the antibiotics. And I still have another week before the consultation, not counting the fact that I'm sure they'll have to schedule me sometime in May. Who knows how long it will take to get this damn tooth taken out. I just called the dentist about 15 mins ago to tell them I'm still in pain and obviously the antibiotics aren't working, and they said they'd call me back. Deni, on the other hand, has picked up a stomach virus or SOMETHING, we're not exactly sure what. She spent yesterday projectile vomiting and sleeping and she was supposed to see her pain clinic today. She called them this morning to let them know she's sick and asked if they could just call in her refills to the pharmacy. So we're waiting on them to call back. Basically we're just doing alot of waiting.

Isn't my life fascinating??

I've been spending my off time during the past week watching the 4 season Stargate Atlantis DVD set that I bought off Amazon, and I've got Deni watching it now, too. She's SO not a SciFi person, but we are getting our hooks into her, yes we are, precious. I'm already partway through season 3 and dreading when I've finished them all. I know season 5 is online and I'll probably order the DVD for that, too, but after that I have no idea if the series ends or what. But I do know that I have a mad crush on Jason Momoa (Ronin). Woof... eye candy in the extreme!! Combine his looks with Shepard's personality... the perfect man. So I was wondering, if I'm getting into Stargate Atlantis, would I get into Battlestar Gallactica? I have to click with the people in order to like it, and I clicked with the Atlantis characters right away because they were funny, so if BG has any funny characters, maybe I'll give that a shot next. I tried watching SG-1 before Atlantis, but the first episode just seemed all military and no good characters. If anyone out there has seen Atlantis and liked it, what else would you suggest I watch next?

It's such a luxury to pop a vicodan, setup the laptop in my bedroom, and laze in bed watching DVD's and playing with my iPod. I'm such a gadget girl. And I'm perfectly happy as long as I'm not in pain.

So I'll be getting about $450 back on my taxes, and Deni will be getting an economic stimulus check for $250 sometime in the next month. All together that's $700 we will already have towards getting our teeth fixed. Not bad.

I was filling out this thing on Facebook - name 5 celebrities you've met, and one of them was Rick Allen, the drummer from Def Leppard. But as I told Deni later, I wasn't sure if I should put him on there, I mean, it's not like I shook his hand or anything.

Wait for it...

He lost his arm in a car accident. But you already knew that.

Sometimes I can be funny. Ba dump bump. Thank you, I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitresses.

Poor Deni. No sooner do I get back from the dentist, then she's having her own dental trauma. Now she has an appt at the same dentist office in the morning, and I'm taking her. Hopefully they'll do the same and give her meds like me. She's not a baby like I am, though. She's brave. I wish I were more like her.

Me again. This time I've come home from the dentist. Yes, I was there. I was fine until they laid me back in that chair. For some reason, once they get me in that chair, I feel as if I've lost all control. I try to keep one leg on the floor... that doesn't work. I try to sit sideways, nope, not gonna work either. They took an xray and left me for about 5 mins while it developed. I was fine until then. Suddenly for some reason I just freaked out and started crying right there. By the time the dentist walked in, I was a mess. Embarassing, no? Humiliating. But I couldn't stop. He told me my tooth was infected and in bad shape and was near a wisdom tooth that needed to come out also. He said due to that, and due to the anxious condition I was in, he was going to refer me to an oral surgeon. Yep, I get to go back to my regular dentist. Not only that, but the dentist today suggested when I go that I have IV Sedation and have both teeth out at the same time. I have a consultation appointment in two weeks at the other dentist, where we'll discuss teeth, sedation, and of course, money. I hope I can afford it. I really want the sedation. I've never had it, but I think it would really help my anxiety. The office today put me on antibiotics and gave me vidocan and extra strength ibuprofen to see me through until two weeks from now. The sedation they'll use is called "Twilight" and as the dentist put it "You just go talk to Elvis for a while, then you come back and it's all over". LOL Sounds like my idea of a good time.

So it's not over yet, but hopefully it will be, and I'll be too wacked out to remember it!

Nope, I guess not. At least not today. The place I wanted to go to won't take me anymore without a referral. Turns out he's an oral surgeon and the only reason he saw me a few years ago was because it was a wisdom tooth and considered oral surgery. Now I can't see him anymore.
My other sister recommended a place in Alachua that I called but they weren't open today. I'll call them in the morning and hope they can get me in. I need to get this over with. I'm tired of being scared and feeling like a baby. Even Deni told me today to get a hold of myself and stop being "hysterical". Some people are scared of elevators, some are scared of snakes. I'm scared of dentists, go figure. I can't concentrate on anything. I can't even watch my regular tv shows because my mind is elsewhere. I feel like I'm in limbo until I get this taken care of.

If you're reading this, send me a little strength tomorrow, ok? I can use all the help I can get.

And Dawn is like what, 8 months pregnant and had her tooth pulled last week, and she barely mentioned it. God, she puts me to shame.

Sorry it's been so long since I posted. I've been uber busy with work and life stuff. Mostly work, though. I have a bad toothache (again), only this time it's a level 10 nuclear hot tooth that makes me cry in agony. Enough is enough. I'm calling the dentist on Monday and getting this fucker pulled out. I can't even remember what it was like to eat normally without fear of pain. I'm tired of eating only mushy foods. I'm also in tears over the prospect of going to the dentist at all. Ever since I've been BORN, dentists and I do not mix. When I was little, they'd have to give me a tranguilizer in the office just to get me into the exam room. It hasn't changed since then, except now that I'm an adult I'm expected to handle the problem like an adult and buck up. The only problem is that I still have that 8 yr old inside me crying and begging and pleading and wanting to hide behind anything so they can't find me and make me go. Sigh. I'm (however many years old) and you'd think I'd be over this by now. It's ridiculous. I keep trying to make myself feel better by imagining the dentist and thinking "this is the person that will give me happy gas and make the pain stop". I don't even care that it's gonna cost me an arm and a leg. I can't go to the average dentist because of my high blood pressure and my heightened state of hysteria. The one I go to in Gainesville puts a BP monitor on me that stays on me and constantly takes my pressure. He gives me lots of gas to calm me down and won't even touch me until my pressure comes down below 100. I pay through the nose for this extra care, but I'm cool with that. Just make the pain stop, please. I'll pay whatever you want. I just wish it was all over with. The best part is the second after he pulls the tooth and you realize you did it, it's done, and you made it through. AND no more pain. I wish I was there already.

In addition to that stress, I haven't filed my taxes yet. Oh joy. I'm getting a big $40 back. Why even bother? Oh yeah... penalties, that's why.

I'm miserable this weekend. Truly miserable. I can't think straight, I can't eat right, I'm scared of this stabbing beath-taking pain that flares up whenever the hell it wants to.

Don't you wish you'd skipped this entry?

I feel almost normal today, well, except for the tooth from hell. It's days are numbered, I tell ya. But last night I went to bed at 11:30pm and woke up this morning at 8:30am. That's about as normal as I get! So now I'm awake mid-day, already made a big pot of beef stew (again, for me because Deni hates stew, but I got her steak for dinner, so she's not complainin'), and now I'm getting ready to do some work.

I'm so annoyed at the lady we gave Pasha to. Deni emailed her the other day and asked how he was doing, and she wrote back saying he got really sick and they had to put him to sleep. Deni has been crying over him for 2 days now. The stupid lady could have just lied and said he was fine...etc. I should have explained how precarious my sister's health is, and if she ever had any bad news, just lie. Deni's heart has been throwing a few extra beats, especially when she gets upset, and I was so worried about her. I kept trying to get her to stop crying, but she wouldn't. She's better now, but I was really annoyed at that woman at first. I just want to protect my sister, you know? Also I feel guilty because I was the one who insisted we get rid of him. Deni says it's not my fault, but I feel guilty anyways.

So.... I bought my dad a new laptop. He's been trying to work on Deni's old one, and it's SO SLOW that I just couldn't let him use that one. He deserves a new one. I'm so proud of him for trying to learn computers at the age of 73, so I got him a brand new Compaq. He'll get it in a few days. I hope he's happy with it. One of these days I think I'm going to need a new computer myself. Mine is getting really slow, mostly when I'm working. It's because I have to have several programs open at once, and I only have 500 mgs RAM, which is not alot AT ALL. So I'll either be getting myself a new laptop or a new desktop probably within the next month or two. When it start hindering my ability to get my work done, then it's a must-have.

I just finished reading two good books, and really good books are in short supply these days. If you're wanting something good to read, pick up Joshua Spangle's "Isolation Ward", and follow up novel "Flawless". They're both medical thrillers about a young guy that works for the CDC, and they're really good and funny in parts, too. He also has a new book coming out later this year, I can't wait. Now I'm desperately looking for another good book to read and in desperation I picked up one of Deni's books and started reading it. It's called the Gainesville Ripper, about the Danny Rollins murders. I'm about one chapter in and I don't think I'm gonna be able to read it. True crime is not my thing. I thought this might be interesting considering it happened here (close to it), but it's just too awful. At the time it happened I was still in Tampa but the rest of my family was here and I was freaking out. I just can't get into reading about how someone was killed. I don't understand violence. I would give anything to read The Stand or Swan Song again for the FIRST time.

I've been on Facebook a bit lately. Everyone used to rave about it and I never understood why the big fuss, but lately it's like a freaking high school reunion and family reunion all rolled into one. People are crawling out of the woodwork... even my MOM has a Facebook profile!! How crazy is that?! I will never give up my LJ, but I must admit to spending way too much time doing nothing on Facebook. I even check it on my iPod while I'm laying in bed before I go to sleep. Now that's addiction! LOL

Well I'd better get to work.

Lucky you, you get to enjoy my opinion on several matters making national (or INTERnational) news at the moment.

1. The Octo-mom, otherwise known as "You so CRAZY". The woman now has 14 kids and NO job, no profession, no home (she lives with her mom), and she depends on her mom to take care of her first 6 kids. She also gets almost $500 a month food stamps AND monetary aid for three of her kids that are disabled, and yet she insists she is not on welfare or public assistance. She says she gets money from programs designed to help people.... umm... otherwise known as PUBLIC ASSISTANCE aka WELFARE. Duh! You so DUMB! She also insists that she cares for her children in EVERY way. No she doesn't, her elderly MOM does! And it's driving her mom crazy!! She should be ashamed, and in in my oh-so-humble opinion, she should have ALL her kids taken away from her because she's mentally ill and her children are going to suffer. OH and NOW she has a website to beg for money from people! The nerve of some people! Take those kids away and give them to someone who's not crazy and who can take care of them!

2. The whole Rihanna vs Chris Brown saga. As a former domestic violence survivor myself, and the survivor of a viscious beating and being held hostage with a butcher knife, I know what it's like to be in her position. Unfortunately, most women do. Chris Brown gets whatever comes to him, and more. Men need to realize that lifting their hand to someone in anger is NEVER acceptable, in ANY situation. And a man that lifts his hand to his woman is the biggest excuse for a COWARD that ever existed. I think it's great that radio stations around the country are pulling his music and his sponsors are backing out. Compare this to Michael Phelps who created a fuss because someone took a pic of him inhaling from a bong. BIG DEAL. Chris Brown's infraction is SO MUCH more serious. Apparently Sean (P. Diddy) Combs says Rihanna is like a little sister to him. I hope he finds Chris Brown and tears him a new asshole.

3. Michael Phelps smoked pot. So what. Yeah ok, he's an Olympic athlete and therefore a role model to thousands of kids. He's also a young guy in his 20's who is gonna make silly little mistakes. That's life. And smoking pot, again - IN MY OPINION is NO BIG DEAL. My parents smoke, and have for the past 40 years. I've smoked, although it doesn't really do much for me and I don't like the way it makes my throat burn so I don't do it. The biggest thing pot makes you do is want a nap or a bag of fritos. You want to attack something that really causes harm? Try attacking alcohol. Marajuana should be legalized, like it is in Amsterdam. You'd never see them pull alcohol like back during prohibition. Not now, because too many companies make money off it. They don't care how many people die every day from alcohol. How many people die from pot? None. Disagree? Show me the medical proof. You CAN'T. There is none. So leave Michael Phelps alone and go after people like Chris Brown that are dangerous when they're stone cold SOBER.

4. I'm so sorry for the people in Australia. My thoughts are with you and the poor animals. Actually I can't think much about the animals because it breaks my heart.

5. I still love my iPod.

6. I still love my job.

7. Life is good. :)

Been reading about the fires in Australia and I know so many people there so I was looking at a map. It's kinda confusing to me, but I it seems that the fires are in south Aussie, not far from Melbourne. If I'm correct, then Woolongong is up the coast a bit towards Sydney, right? Amy, you should be fine, but Deni's been asking if you're ok, so post something, will ya?? ;)
To everyone else affected by the fires, you're in my thoughts and prayers. I really hope no one would set those fires, that's just too horrible to contemplate.

I feel like the whole world is breathing down my neck lately and I just want to be left alone. So instead of telling you all about how I'm gonna scream if one more person wants me to do something for them, I'll just give you my little high school meme yanked from Kim (u2girl1966).

Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be!!

1. Did you date someone from your school?
Not really date, no. Liked someone, but we never actually "dated".

2. Did you marry someone from your high school?
No.

3. Did you car pool to school?
Yeah, my group of girlfriends took turns driving each other.

4. What kind of car did you have?
A yellow Honda civic

5. What kind of car do you have now?
my last car was a red cavalier

6. It's Friday night back then...where are you?
With my group of friends either at a football game, or the movies, or putt-putt golf, or a party

7. It is Friday night now...where are you?
At home, working, or sleeping

8. What kind of job did you have in high school?
none, sometimes I helped my best friend take ticket stubs at the football games, but mom always said my job was to get good grades so I didn't work.

9. What kind of job do you do now?
I'm a graphic designer working from home for a web design company.

10. Were you a party animal?
Not really, but I was very social with my little group of friends. We were always out somewhere doing something.

11. Were you considered a flirt?
If I knew you, yes. If I didn't know you, I was shy.

12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir?
Nope. I could play guitar and sing but I was too shy.

13. Were you a nerd?
No, just kinda a wallflower.

14. Did you get suspended or expelled?
No, I was a chicken when it came to defying authority.

15. Can you sing the fight song?
Not anymore, I used to when I was in the pep club.

16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)?
My history teacher, my art teacher, my guitar teacher because she taught us to read music, but I never could learn how, I just memorized the songs and she never knew. Also because i knew more about playing the guitar than she ever dreamed of and she let me do what I wanted in class.

17. Where did you sit during lunch?
With my friends.

18. What was your school's full name?
Leto High School

19. When did you graduate?
1982

20. What was your school mascot?
The Falcon

21. If you could go back and do it again, would you?
No way. But if I could, I'd sure as hell break alot more rules and have more fun. All of that "this will go on your permanent record" crap, yeah right. If I knew then what I know now, I'd laugh in their faces and wreak havoc in the halls. LOL

22. Did you have fun at Prom?
It was ok considering I asked the person I went with. (He was one of my group of friends and I had a mad crush on him, and he kinda liked me, I guess, but never made a move.)

23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with?
No. Said hi in email last year sometime but that's it. He's got a wife and kids now.

24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion?
Hell no. The 10 year one was bad enough. Bunch of old fat people trying to show off to each other. Give me a break.

25. Do you still talk to people from school?
Not really. The occassional hi to one or two but that's it.

My couch is not set against the wall, it acts as a seperator between the living room and dining room. It faces away from where I sit, so I can see the back of it very clearly. My cats have taken to sleeping together on top of the couch. My Biddllekat, bless his furry little heart, is quite the deep sleeper, and tends to ...er... ROLL off things when completely asleep. Last night I heard a loud thump and looked over to see Bid land on the floor behind the couch. They say cats always land on their feet... not my cat. Not when he's OUT. He landed on his side, got up, looked over at me sleepily, and then shook his head as if to say "What THE...?". Of course I started making a fuss because I was worried and he took advantage of the situation to run over and get some sympathy love. (I really was concerned, he landed pretty hard). So in order to ease my mind, and save my silly kitty boy from future injury, I've placed two pillows on the floor directly behind the sofa. Now everyone that comes in the house will ask why I have pillows on the floor and I will have to explain how they are my "Safety Biddle landing zone".

So far today, safe landings = 1 :)

PS. I've kept my house relatively clean since before Christmas. If you know me, you know what a HUGE deal that is. I've only had the cleaning lady in twice.

PPS. I'm in love with my iPod Touch. Luv...LOVE...LUV... ADORE....LOVE!

I have my iPod Touch. I love it. I hate it. No, I hate iTunes. And whatever it is in my computer that won't recognize my new iPod Touch. I've put in at least 5 hours now trying to figure the damn problem out, including being on the phone with Apple for an hour, but no luck. If I could hire someone to fix this for me, I SO would do it. I'm about to pull my hair out, I can't tell you how frustrated I am. I finally have the damn thing and I can't get any music or vids or photos on it!!!!

Everytime I hook up my Touch to iTunes it tells me I cannot use my iPod because the Apple Mobile Device will not start. That's the crux of the whole problem. The Apple tech couldn't figure it out, he said it must be something in Windows interferring with it. They suggested I might need to reinstall Windows. I can't tell you how much THAT is NOT going to happen. I've gone through the Apple website, gone on the web, reinstalled iTunes several times, rebooted, created a new user with admin power, I've done everything but dress in my grandmother's jammies and dance a jig in front of my monitor.

Who do I have to &*$^ to get my iPod Touch to work???????

I'm feeling very depressed tonight so this will probably be one of those rambling nonsensical entries that no one will care to read or give a shit about. I hate feeling like this (don't I always say that??), but it's true. I have nothing to be depressed about, and yet here I sit wanting to cry for no reason whatsoever. I'm watching the Golden Globes and Deni is on the phone watching it with her friend up north. I'm annoyed by that, isn't that silly? I feel jealous, like Deni should be giving her attention to me, and yet her friend lives alone, so I should be happy her friend has Deni to talk to. Deni says a sharp word to me and I want to burst into tears. I probably will still cry, for no reason. Nope, cancel that, I'm crying now. And I'm laughing at the absurdity of it. I am not sad, I am not depressed, nothing is going wrong, and yet my freaking body is pulling my strings like a puppet.

I don't think men realize how much it sucks being a woman sometimes. Especially when you have any kind of hormonal problems, and depression problems together, forget it. You're a basket case. I pride myself on being fairly logical and even tempered, even happy. Outwardly I'm starting to feel like Sybil. It's ridiculous.

My mom gave me my birthday gifts last week when my dad made me dinner. She got me a Mehndi kit because I've had mehndi done on my arms before, but I want to learn to do it myself, so I asked for a kit. She also got me a beautiful silver bracelet with a locket dangling from it. I'm not a silver person, I've always been drawn to gold, but I ADORE this bracelet, maybe it's because it's from my mom, I don't know. I love the locket, and the bracelet has circular links on it so I can add charms if I want to. I've always wanted a charm bracelet.

Monica and Claudia are coming up to visit next Saturday, and we'll all exhange gifts then. I already know what I'm getting, Deni told me because I knew anyways. She and Monica went in together and got me my iPod Touch. I'm so excited, I was looking up the specs on it last night. It has wifi and can get online, how cool is that?? I mostly wanted it for the bigger screen and the ability to play cool games. Oh and I love the "touch" on it, too. It's so space age. I can't wait to get it.

Now I'm feeling better and my breif sunstorm is over. See what I mean? I'm a puppet. Seriously, if this is like ::gasp:: menopause or something, then for fuck's sake, dry the works up. I'm not using it anyways. I just want to be a normal person. Happy when happy, sad only when sad.

Maybe some munchies will make me feel better.